Participants will learn the language of efficient teams and to master usage of the Core Protocols, a brilliant team building method developed by Jim and Michele McCarthy over 20 years ago and tested and used by hundreds of great teams since.
Thursday, October 27th to Tuesday, November 1, 2016 at the Golf & Country Valcurone Momperone (AL), Italy
What happens to emotional IQ in a team? Answer is in the way we use language and body to create our experience and culture.
In this session I discuss the way we use our language and our bodies when we want to achieve something. I will propose that anything we want achieve,as an individual or as a team, is always achieved in a relational space and that the precondition for any kind of achievement stays in consciously working inside the relationship and needs a basic ingredient: integrity. Integrity is easily defined but difficultly gained and kept, mainly because of the eleven misconceptions we will address in the session.
We will learn how to connect emotional intelligence theory with clean linguistic and cognitive practices. We’ll experiment simple techniques to leverage emotions in any goal-oriented setting, be it their work, their teamwork or their relationships. Also we’ll learn to convert common misconceptions about emotions in powerful, mindset changing behaviors.
Whatever your situation is, being able to speak in public is essential to success. Whether you are on a stage, in front of a classroom, a court or presiding a board meeting, in order to truly teach, inform, persuade, or defend, your success will depend on your conviction and confidence. Though many of us suffer from a deep fear of public speaking, all it takes is confidence that can be acquired through the right techniques, practice and deep knowledge and passion about your topic.
In this course you will learn how to prepare yourself for public speaking as well as how to organize your facts into an appealing story and how to sparingly weave your personal experience into your speech in order to endear yourself to the audience.
This course will include 5 main points as follows:
1. Facing stage fright: Pin pointing and isolating the uncomfortable areas for the client and addressing them. The easiest way to achieve a high performance as a public speaker, as in any other areas of life, is to make friends and give our inner monsters a name, a face and shape and a reason to befriend it.
2. Creating trust: Coaching strengths and values related to the content of the speech. Your speech needs to be a story with a beginning (30 seconds is the ideal pitch) a middle and a banging end (better still if the words are the same as the beginning) It needs to be a story near to your heart that people will be interested in hearing because there needs to be passion and meaning woven into it. These ingredients are directly linked to your strong points and values.
3. Your best self: Considering body language and voice intonation. Listen to your voice and how it sounds, feel where the music of the voice and the silences resonates and dance with it as you would to your favorite music. Be your authentic self and you will be authentic and credible. Find your humorous voice.
4. Becoming a performer: Practicing self confidence onstage, and conquering the audience. People are the same as everybody you know. Treat them with respect and show tou vulnerability to conquer their hearts. You know how to do that, you’ve done it a million times. Focus on your audience and share that vision you are up there to deliver.
5. Ready to shine: Rehearsing to perfection. Time wasted in traffic? In a cue at the supermarket? Not at all. Feel your self confidence bubble up while your brushing your teeth and imagining the standing ovation. Trust yourself and so will your audience.
Call them mind and body, thought and matter, rationality and emotions, every time we need to act successfully we are trapped in a fictitious choice. We are forgetting the basic skill of “feeling” body and emotions. The widespread interest we see about emotions is just a passing fad if we do not listen to body and mind as a whole.
This book invites the reader to experiment with all the emotional potential of everyday life avoiding both specialized approaches and the rhetoric about positive feelings and authentic emotions. Regaining confidence with emotional skills we all have taking them out of old cultural frameworks is a precondition to grow and evolve as human being and professionals, especially in education.
Inspiration for this book comes from the author’s long-term relationship with migraine and from his experience in emotional intelligence workshops at the University of Bergamo and at “Kyron” training school of Integrated Psychomotricity in Milan, Italy.
In this famous scene of the first movie of The Godfather trilogy, when the four Corleone brothers meet right after their father has been shot and is struggling between life and death in a hospital. The topic they discuss is if and how they have to retaliate against Virgil “The Turk” Sollozzo who ordered the shooting. At a certain point in the discussion, Michael Corleone/Al Pacino, the youngest brother, the only brother not involved in his family mafia business, propose himself as the avenger in a plan where he manages to shot Sollozzo. The elder brothers explain him that the issue at stake, retaliation, “it’s not personal, it’s just business”, meaning that it has nothing to do with emotion, family values, the need of justice, the father-son relationship: it’s only a tool to protect the business and send a message to the “business community”.
What struck me (apart the fact I am Italian and I know that business better than the Soprano’s screenwriters) in the scene, is that for these guys family is not affect, emotion, relationship, it’s “just business”: this is why Michael’s brothers do not consider appropriate (and even harmful) the intention of avenging his father following an emotional reaction (while of course the killing itself can be an appropriate tool but without emotional involvement).
Last week a client, struggling with her career, was talking about having a “professional demeanor”. To her, this was synonym for “professional mask” as opposite to “personal authenticity” which she was patently not allowed to show at her workplace. Further inquiry led us to discover that for personal authenticity she intended “expressing emotions”, that is, the mask was intended to avoid that her emotions were perceived by her colleagues, because expression of emotions in general was not very welcome at her workplace. Basically, she and her firm were adopting a variant of the Godfather philosophy: it’s business, no emotion or affect needed per-se. The step from “not expressing emotion” to “believe that you can stop/ignore feel emotion” seemed not be that long in her reasoning while I had in mind what Antonio Damasio (Self Comes to Mind: Constructing the Conscious Brain, 2010) says: “The expression of emotions can doubtless be modulated voluntarily. But the degree of modulatory control of the emotions evidently cannot go beyond the external manifestations. Given that emotions include many other responses, several of which are internal and invisible to the naked eyes of others, the bulk of the emotional program is still executed, no matter how much willpower we apply to inhibit it. Most important, feelings of emotion, which result from the perception of the concert of emotional changes, still take place even when external emotional expressions are partially inhibited.”
That led me to think of how many times I challenged these limiting beliefs about emotions, all variants of the Godfather syndrome: when it comes to emotions and business, client often found or put themselves in a mafia business, implicitly negating reality, unavoidability and value of emotional states. Over time I collected a list of common misconception of emotions in the workplace (and, more in general, in organizations) that I call “storytelling about emotions”. Here is it, with the “false” part in bold:
1. You are/I am too emotional (I credit this one to Jim and Michele McCarthy, in their book Software for your Head)
2. It’s wrong to feel like this
3. There is no reason I/you feel like that
4. You make me feel …
5. Expressing emotion can be disturbing
6. One must be rational
7. One cannot think and feel at the same time
8. Emotions are dangerous
9. Emotions are not thoughts
10. Emotions cannot be changed
11. Emotions can be masked
Every belief in the list favor the detaching between parts of the self in a person, which in turn prevents development, change for the best, growth and happiness. This is why I consider part of my job as a coach to help clients in mafia-like emotional approach to explore how the world can be outside the Sopranos’ mindset.
This is the best coaching session ever. It is just one minute long, but it’s perfect. The fact that it is inside a cartoon is just a detail… In this video I try to explain why I consider it a coaching masterpiece.
Sometimes during a coaching session it happens to have a insight that comes from a weird place and works well for a client. Then you may be tempted to use it again with other clients. In this video I tell the story of one of these and explain why it is not necessarily a good idea.
Here in this video is the missing explanation (plus my thanks to all the people who gave advice and comments) to the video I posted two weeks ago about my to 11 misleading sentences about emotions, where I skipped the #4 reason: “You make me feel….”.